If I had a category for “Men: what NOT to say to your wife,” this post would go there.

But I don’t so it will have to be a random thought.

Yesterday was a long work day for The Doc. Wednesdays always are. (Translation: Wednesdays are a VERY long day for me…) He has regular hours for his practice and then trains triathletes at a “camp” for a few hours in the evening. He is only home for a few minutes to change from his doctoring clothes to his training clothes. The boys get very excited about seeing him, because they hope to cram in as much daddy-play as possible into those fleeting moments.

As soon as the boys hear the garage door opening, they run to the kitchen door screaming “Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home” at the top of their little preschool lungs. If you aren’t familiar with preschool lungs, let me assure you that they possess an amazing capacity for air when being used for screaming indoors. Yesterday, I happened to be in the kitchen already, having sneaked in to chop vegetables as part of dinner prep while the boys played nicely together for a few minutes. So there I stood chopping while the wee beasts jumped up and down, up and down, up and down. When The Doc opened the door, I continued to chop — happy to have the extra couple of minutes while the boys’ attention wasn’t on me — and to give the three men-folk a moment to bond with hugs and talk about what each had done during the day.

This, apparently, was not what The Doctor ordered. And this is where the “Men: what not to say to your wife” part finally comes in to play.

A minute later, The Doc walked over to me and said “Are you cranky?” Those three little words might not seem like a big deal, but oh, let me tell you. They are. Cranky? CRANKY?

“Why, no,” I said. “But even thought I WASN’T cranky, I might just have to be NOW.”

Mind you, I tend to look at my hands, the chopping board, the piles of food, etc. when I am wielding a sharp knife and working in the kitchen. I have to admit I have never thought to prop up a mirror and from time to time, gaze up at myself to see what my “chopping face” looks like. But I’m fairly certain that chopping does not require so much concentrated effort that I grimace, snarl, or otherwise make “cranky” faces. Aside from that, I actually thought I was being a kind and considerate Wife and Mommy by allowing the gents to have a few minutes together.

The Doc asking me if I was cranky burst my Kind and Considerate Wife and Mommy Bubble. Fast. And that, dear reader, did indeed make me cranky.

So men everywhere. Heed my words. When you come home from a long day, and your wife, girlfriend, or otherwise significant other does not immediately shower you with attention, stop before you stick your foot in your mouth the way The Doc did. Instead, walk over to her and say something nice like “I missed you today, dear.” THEN and only then can you ASK how her day was. If she is cranky, I’m sure she will be more than happy to tell you all about it. If not, you’ve just saved yourself from becoming the subject of a blog post.